he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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