Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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