Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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