new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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