Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
