now i know why i became what i already was.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My vagina just clenched in fear
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
