That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
