I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
