U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
