I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
