dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
