I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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