i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
