i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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