once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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