Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's always time for handjobs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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