I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
