I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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