just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
