it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
