she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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