I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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