ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
