The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Four minutes until I can fart!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
