Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
