Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
