True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
