I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
