I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
