she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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