Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
