god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
