Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
