Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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