True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
