I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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