Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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