Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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