the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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