so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
only you would photoshop your dick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
