this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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