we have officially mastered the walk of shame
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
