ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
