this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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