Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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