There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
