I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
