dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
