Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
