every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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